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England

Oh to miss someone this much…

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 by Kiyu

I miss him so terribly much.

Every now and then, I just miss him so much. It’s only natural, so I never make a fuss about it. ‘Cause you know, it’s normal to be upset after a break-up. It’s normal to miss…

However, this time it was particularly bad. First, it was just this cruel hollow feeling, this empty void. It was soon followed by the usual pattern where the longing kicks in and I just feel so terribly terribly sad. Then it feels like I can’t ever be happy again unless I can feel his strong arms wrapping around me and pulling me close to him like before, smoothing my hair back and whispering soothing words to me. Of course I know it’s not true, but in those painful moments when I just miss him so terribly much, this is how it feels like.

But this time around there was a new addition to the usual pattern; I was… sobbing. The other times I cried, it was only because he hurt me in some kind of way. Either by things he said or just the hopeless situation itself. And if you know me personally, you’ll know that I’m not particularly prone to crying in the first place… But this time… it was just because I missed him so much…

I started sobbing just like that, out of the blue, just because I missed him so…

Posted in England, Kiyu's ramblings, Norwich, UEA | 1 Comment »

Tenderness.

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 by Kiyu

My heart skipped a beat when I saw him walking into the hall. For a split second I stopped in my tracks, freezing completely, before resuming my business with the arrows, pretending like everything was normal. But in truth, my heart was hammering feverishly in my chest and I never relaxed. He was so beautiful. Tall and lean, his hair newly cut in a rebellious manner. It was longer than I remembered it. With slow and powerful strides he strolled towards his best mate whom I just happen to be standing not too far away from. The joy on his face, even the way his eyes were smiling when his friends were jokingly fighting with him, was so wonderful it was all I could do not to melt right there and then. Gazing at him, my lips curled into a smile I couldn’t fight. And I knew, that if anyone had been looking at me at that moment, they would have seen the warmth in my smile. They would have seen that this smile contained a fondness so tender it would have felt utterly wrong to snap me out of the enchantment.

He did not speak to me. Nor did he look at me as far as I know. Not that I tried either, out of fear.

He knew I was going to be there today. Why did he risk getting even more angry with me by coming? I knew the sight of me might tick him off again. But … it made me incredibly happy that he came. I could see him again, let my eyes rest on his face again, remind myself of why I fell so deeply in love with him that I can never be angry with him — even after being left with a shattered heart. It just felt so nice to see him again.

…and he was gorgeous. If he walks into me again in the future, you can bet I will be more than happy to see him. More than happy. I still care for him tenderly, and probably will for quite a long time. I can now believe it when people say; “As long as he’s happy, I’m happy.”

If I am able to smile and feel this soothing warmth when I see him happy and laughing, then yes, I think I will be happy if he is happy.

Tags: emotions, feelings, tenderness
Posted in England, Kiyu's ramblings, Norwich, UEA | 2 Comments »

UEA Archery

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 by Kiyu

Thanks Hui, for taking these photos!

Tags: archery, club, sports, UEA
Posted in England, Kiyu's ramblings, Norwich, UEA | 3 Comments »

Jan’s 21st

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010 by Kiyu

Stole the photo from Terence because I didn’t bring my own camera. Jan’s birthday dinner, which was great! I’ll write later, I’ll also tell you about how I pretended to be a forensic scientist in labs a week ago — you know, like in shows like CSI and The Mentalist?

Posted in England, Kiyu's ramblings, Norwich, UEA | 6 Comments »

Sorry.

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 by Kiyu

I know. I know.

My blog posts have started to detoriate ever since I came to UK. Partly, because my free time is limited, and partly because I want to govern my own and involved parties’ privacy. It was brought to my attention about a month ago that I had unknown readers here in Norwich as well, and because they are likely to see me hastily running from lecture to lecture or wandering dreamily around on a fine day such as today — they might recognize me. They might know the people I interact with, and because I don’t want to disrespect my people’s privacy, I’d rather not have gossip spawn. I’d love to talk about the bonds I make here, all my thoughts and feelings on any topic that might have caught my attention at the moment — but alas it would be challenging without risking exposing people who would like their privacy to stay private. I could write in Norwegian, but I know some have used Google Translate to decipher some of the content here, and though it cannot possibly translate completely, they will be able to pick up on something.

You know how I said in a post during summer that I don’t acticely search for love? That I believe it comes to you when it sees fit?

I don’t worry about not having a boyfriend, I don’t worry about not having someone to be with, and I definitely don’t search for love. I live in this fairy tale where believe I don’t have to actively go out and look for a guy, he and I will bump into each other someday suddenly — and then we’ll ignite a spark, and perhaps create some history together. I believe love will come to me when it sees fit. What’s the rush? Perhaps I’m just cluelessly romantic and don’t want to believe in reality, but hey, let me live my fairy tale.

Clearly, I’m in need of some love, 26th July 2009
-

Well, my patience might have paid off. So suddenly, after several years of blissfull ignorance. I see more clearly now, I’m not in a daze that confuses me and makes me cause other people pain. This time, I might be the recipient of that very pain. But I’m aware, and I think I’m prepared; so bring it on.

Patience is a virtue, whatever you say Kings.

008

(In editing)
A feathery touch,
That tingling sensation —
Of consuming too much
Of sense’s declaration.

A path was trailed
Through land unknown —
Though past have failed,
This One has grown.

24.11.2009

This is a true progress.

Posted in England, Kiyu's ramblings, Literature, Norwich | 5 Comments »

Physiology…

Friday, November 13th, 2009 by Kiyu

Drained. Physiology and pharmacology is taking a toll on me. This is how frustrated I am.

Course test in about 11 hours counts 20% towards final mark. Oh dear.

My bathroom looks scary.

Tags: course, pharmacology, physiology, test
Posted in Kiyu's ramblings, UEA | 1 Comment »

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